*Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

*Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

*Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in the word OPPORTUNITY

*Computer Engineer:
One who gets paid for reading such mails.

*Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

*Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

*Life Insurance:
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

*Cigarette:
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

*Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

*Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

*Marriage:
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

*Divorce:
Future tense of marriage.

*Worry:
Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

*School:
A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

*College:
A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

*Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

*Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

*Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through ‘the minds of either’

*Conference:
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

*Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

*Dictionary:
A place where success comes before work.

*Rumour:
News that travels at the speed of sound.

*Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

*Father:
A banker provided by nature.

*Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

*Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

*Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

*Classic:
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

*Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

*Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life..

*Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

*Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

*Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

*Experience:
The name men give to their mistakes.

*Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.

*Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death.

*Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Also Read:
*Funny Killer English
*Funny Meanings
*Funny Lines